Robert and I stare squarely into eachothers' eyes. He is waiting for me to faulter. I'm waiting for him to realize that I am dead serious. A tinge of fear creeps into his flat eyes. He looks away. "I can't-" he says.
"I've thought that before, too," I say. "Those are the words I regret the most." I look at the doctor. "He can't believe me, but he can't let you take me." I raise my eyebrows in a who-cares kind of way. "So, take me with you, doc-"
"No!" Koran and his parents all shout at once. Looking at Robert and Tracey, I say:
"You would only be lying to yourselves if you thought that you could make yourself believe what you think is impossible. And we already know that we are strangers now." I turn back to the doctor. "Go ahead. Take me."
"Alyssa!" A small voice pleads. I turn and see Koran. My heart sinks for him. "Please don't go! Mom and Dad don't want you to go! I can't have you go! You promised to tell me stories for tomorrow!"
"I'm sorry, Koran. I didn't know it was all going to come to this. Your parents want me to stay because they don't want to feel ashamed of having their so-called-daughter in a place for crazy people. They don't want to think their daughter is crazy. They don't know how to believe what I know." I bend down and give him a hug. "I will come back for you. No matter what," I whisper to him. I stand up straight and say to them all: "Fairfarren all!" And briskly walk out of the house. My heart feels heavy for leaving Koran behind. But he'll be fine. I know he will be.
The doctor walks out of the house. Unlocks a car. I get in. "So, what's my diagnosis? Multi-personality disorder? Hallucinative? Schizophrenic? Delusioned? Delerious?"
"Hate to say it, but you are delusional. Your parents-"
"They aren't my parents. Anymore."
"Have you disowned them?"
"No. I simply don't know them. To much time and unforeseen occorances in just four days."
"Is that why you refuse to be called Alyssa?"
"By them, yes. They think of Alyssa as the girl I used to be. There is too much past tied to that name for them. They would never understand how different I am untill they come to terms with at least a new name. But you can call me Alyssa. You have never known my former self."
"That is interesting."
"How often do you come upon this kind of a case?"
"Not too often. But it seems to be associated with stress and a bad life. Some re-invent themselves as a defense mechanism to disassociate the bad from the good."
"That makes no sense. I have never had a bad life as Alyssa. I am still an Alyssa. Just not the one they remember. I only changed it after I came back. And then I changed it to a name associated with things that happened in the four days of going missing!"
"That is interesting. But I do think it is a wise idea for me to take a look at that hat." I roll my eyes in disgust.
"What is it with everyone trying to take my hat?!"
"It seems to be the only clue to your illness."
"You will not touch my hat. You have dealt with crazy people before. You don't want to touch my hat!" I say, barely managing to maintain my volume.
"Relax. You are now away from people that are likely to accuse you of anything. Tell me what your hat means to you."
"I can't."
"I've heard them all. What you have as an explanation will be nothing new, I'm sure." She smiles kindly.
"If you insist. Where do you want me to begin? It's a long story."
"It was only four days, you said. It can't be that long."
"Five. It started the night before I dissappeared."
"Ah. Well, let's start from the begining." Ugh. Not this again.
"I couldn't sleep so I took a walk and found a key and a cave. I went in and found a portal to Dimmerland. Most people call it Wonderland. What more of a begining do you want?"
"Wonderland?" The woman says. I can tell she is doing her proffessional best not to scoff at me.
"Yes. You got a problem with that? I thought you heard it all!"
"Well, nearly. Not quite the same, but I've heard other crazy stories of fictional stories being real."
"Doesn't that make you wonder if maybe some of them are real?"
"No, of course not! I work at an assylum, remember? I don't believe anything a patient says to me!"
"Well, that's reassuring. You should consider a counseling job," I say with would-be Chess approved sarcasm.
"I'm sorry," the woman says. "That was unproffesional of me. What else happened?"
"I don't think you'd be interested. Not like you'd believe me anyways."
"Seriously, go ahead."
"Well, since you don't believe, then there is no harm in telling you. You said from the begining, so next I was lost. I didn't know where I was. I found a house and knocked on the door."
"Did you find anyone?"
"You aren't a very good listener, are you? I was going to tell you. It was the next part."
"I'm sorry."
"Perhaps I should leave you wondering if anyone answered the door or not." Why not? Leave a little something else to tell. I'd become the story-teller of the assylum. Not something I'm proud of.
"I said I'm sorry. Please go on."
"Tell me, will I have to tell more people about it? I'm getting rather tired of begining from the begining all of the time."
"...I'd like to hear it so I can explain to the other staff members what is going on with you."
"You mean, to know what to expect?"
"Yes."
"Would you really believe nothing I have to say?"
"As a non-proffessional answer, No. I wouldn't."
"I see." I am Gulliver. Sort of. I am now imprisoned in an assylum where not a single human of Earth believes me. And those that do are to young to have any real pre-concieved ideas. So is the lands of Gulliver real? I would have never considered it possible before. I am as insane as Gulliver is. Supposedly.
"Will you please tell me more about Wonderland?" the doctor asks.
"No. I'm tired. I want to go to sleep." I put my head against the window of the car, careful in how the hat is hanging on my head. I want to be sure it is impossible to take it without my knowledge. It is so dark out. Why are the clouds so thick today? Oh. Right. There is no reason for dark clouds on Earth.
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