This time, I really do go to March Hare's house. I knock on the door. "Come in," I hear from somewhere inside. I close the door behind me. "I'm in the kitchen." I walk in slowly, towards the kitchen.
"March Hare," I say slowly,, dreading what I am about to tell him about his dear King and friend.
"Alyssa? Is that you?" He exclaims. I look up at him with what feels like sad eyes.
"Yes, it is me."
"What's wrong? You're back! You've slayed the Jabberwalk, I take it?" He is so happy...
"Yes. I-"
"That's wonderful! Where's Hatter?"
"March Hare." I say adamantly. "I have something important to tell you."
"What is it, Alyssa?" He looks me in the eyes. The truth dawns on him. I take a deep breath.
"Trea is... he's... Trea is gone." My throat closes up and tears well up.
"Oh, Alyssa..." he says with sympathy. "What happened?"
"The Jabberwalk lied to me..." March Hare's eyes go wide with understanding. "And I believed him. He pushed me through the portal back to Earth. I was in an asylum for believing in Dimmerland. I came back and he tricked me again, this time into believing he was Trea. Something was wrong with him, though. I realized he couldn't be Trea. So I looked in Tugley Wood and found the real Trea." Tears slip shamelessly down my cheeks. "Then I slayed the Jabberwalk. Trea was already gone when I slayed the beast." I look down. "I killed him," I say simply. "I believed the Jabberwak over what I had to do and it killed him. Because of me."
"Alyssa, don't say that," he says with sad kindness. "It's not your fault."
"Of course its my fault! I was warned that it would lie! That it would manipulate me!" I look away. "And I still believed it..." I say quietly. I still can't believe it. He's just... gone...
"Well, there is nothing we can do now."
"we need to tell the others."
"No we don't. Not today, anyways." He is being so kind to me... He is just like a father... I look up at him in the eyes.
"Yes. We do. Dimmerland needs to be aware that their King is dead."
"Let's wait about a week. Then they can know." I open my mouth to question him, but think better of it. He has my best interests in mind. He knew this whole time about the chemistry between Trea and I. March Hare thinks it would be too difficult on me. And I know he's right. Eight days, was it? So much, so fast. So hard to take in and process. Eight days on guard, non-stop. In Survival mode. I do need a chance to relax, don't I? I sigh.
"Fine. If we are going that rout, can you please take in a couple of guests of Dimmerland, please? I don't think that I can handle trying to cater to all of their needs."
"Absolutely, Queen Alyssa." I look up at him with sorrowful eyes.
"Please, March Hare, do not call me Queen when he's gone."
"I'm sorry, Alyssa." He takes another look at me. "I'll walk you back."
"Thank you, March Hare." We walk back in silence.
Everything was dim before. But now, all I see are black, white, and shades of grey. Dimmerland has never been so grim.
Walking in the door, Shander and Nance both bolt towards in undisguised worry. "Where have you been?" "Are you alright?" Along with other similar statements of concern bubbling forth simultaneously out of their mouths. I just sit down on a couch and wait for them to stop babbling.
"This," I say pointing, when they finally calm down, "is March Hare. He is a good friend and he has agreed to take you both in for a little while." I manage a wane smile. "I am alright and I will be fine. I promise," I say, addressing their immediate concerns.
"But we just got here," Shander says. Nance studies me in silence.
"I know, but I wasn't prepared for any guests here. To be quite frank, I'm not much more than a geust, myself. I'm working on the citizenship aspect of it, if you will."
"You'd rather be alone?" Shander asks.
"No, not alone," I say, keeping as vague as possible. I look over to March Hare for help on the matter.
"Come along, I have well more than enough for a tea party of people at anytime," March Hare says to the two that I'm trying to get rid of.
"Alright. What was your name, again?" Nance says, finally deciding from whatever it was that she read in me.
"March Hare."
"Pleased to meet you. My name is Nance." Shander is confused. I can see it all too well in his eyes.
"And what is your name, sir?" March Hare asks. Shander stares at me, mouth half open to say his name. Another moment goes by. He turns his attention to March Hare.
"Shander," he finally says, his tone still distracted. He is really worried about me.
"Shander," I say, getting his attention. He looks me intently in the eye, intent on figuring this out. "The Jabberwalk I needed to slay is now dead." He keeps on looking concerned. "For me, there is no danger here. I will be fine. Please, go with March Hare." He doesn't say a word, but the expression in his eyes, the way he lifts his head, I know he relents. He has decided to go with them. "Fair farren, all. I will see you later."
"Fair farren, Alyssa," March Hare and Shander say.
"What?" Nance says, glancing at every one in the room.
"I'll explain it on the way," March Hare says. They all shuffle out of the house.
The door closed.
I take a look at everything around me. The splattered walls. The kitchen counters, pots, and pans. The geust room. I don't want to do anything with the house. I don't want to do anything that changes what I remember of Trea, however short a time it was. I walk into Trea's room and close the door behind me, holding the door handle behind my back with both hands. I take a deep breath. As I exhale, I look around the room. The part of the house that is the most Trea. If not, it IS him. The hats in the room. He is- was Hatter. A Hatter. The hats are apart of him. I take in a shaky breath. The mannequins everywhere in ever-which way. Tears well up. I look at that one neat corner of the room with the little table. The part of Trea I'll never get to know. Tears stream down my face. I can't hold back any longer. Trea is gone. I'll never be able to get to know what makes him tick. I'll never be able to see him again. I slide down the door, down to the floor. I cry into my knees, making unearthly sounds. Never, never, never again...
No comments:
Post a Comment