Chapter 20

The doctor and I arrive at the asylum  At last. Certainly a grim sort of place. That's alright. I'm sure that I'll cheer it right on up. As if. I shake my head and get out of the car. Walking up the steps, a song of the past rings through my mind: Welcome to the Hotel of California... You can check out whenever you like, but you just can't never leave...
Scary thought. I need to make it out of this place. I scoff at myself. I don't even have a plan! And I am not in the Mind Maze. I don't know where to look, where to head. "Please follow me," the doctor says. Not that I have any choice, but I follow her. White washed walls. Long hall ways. Rooms with one-way glass. Ugh. Well, if I'm not crazy already, I'll be sure to become crazy. the word 'sensory deprivation' flounders in my mind. No colors. No texture. Almost no change in scenery  Not a place that I'd want to live the rest of my life. I scoff at myself again. Of course I don't want to live here. Not in an asylum  not on Earth. I want to live in Dimmerland for the rest o f my life! And I will. As soon as I can.

"This is the schizo ward," the doctor says. I look around me. The people there freak me out. Holding themselves in odd positions, screaming, panicking  I'm glad I'm not there. I turn to walk forward, but my eyes land on someone.
   "Jabber-jabber-jabber walk... jabber-jabber-jabber walk..." he repeats to himself over and over again. !!! I walk over to him.
   "Sir?" I say, "What did you say?"
   "He's babbling," the doctor says, trying to motion me away from him.
   "I haven't been admitted yet. I'm a visitor still," I say sharply to her. Turning my attention back to the man, I ask, "Did you say Jabberwalk?" He looks up at me with pale, blue eyes. Living eyes. He's not mad. I know it.
   "Don't let them take you," he says.
   "What's your name?"
   "Shander."
   "What happened?" I ask.
   He brings his voice to a whisper. "I found the portal." my eyes go wide. "Bright, under the building. Swirling colors. Couldn't figure out how to open it."
   "You need a key. Help me find a key, Shander. I know why you are here. We can do it together." Shander nods towards me. I'm shocked. She said no one else believes in 'Wonderland.' I don't think that she belongs to the schizo ward staff. Shander is not crazy. "Have you seen the Borogrove?" I ask, by way of test.
   "The tree-work is all-knowing. the mome raths are infuriating and impossible. The Mind Maze?"
   "Yes. And the sandy-ashen desert." He really has been to Dimmerland. "Forgive me, but what were you doing there?"

"Alyssa!" the doctor says. "Enough. You need to come with me now." I roll my eyes.
   "You are not crazy, Shander  You don't belong here," I whisper. "I will come back soon. I promise." I walk off with the doctor.
   "What were you two talking about? You both seemed rather involved," the doctor asks.
   "Why would you care what to crazy people choose to talk about?"
   "You're not-" she stops abruptly.
   "I'm not what?" I ask, hoping she'll finish the sentence.
   "..."
   "You know, silence could be taken as a form of mental instability " What am I doing? What am I saying? Is there really any point to this?
   "Here is your room," she says, completely disregarding what I've said. That is probably a wise idea at this point.
   "But I haven't signed in or signed any papers. I can't be a resident if I have yet to sign something." The doctor is silent for a moment again.
   "Wait in here," she says. She walks out of the room and closes the door behind her. The rooms aren't insulated well. I do not like that at all. I can hear what she is telling the nurses.

"Alyssa believes in a place called Wonderland. She thinks she's been there during the four days that she went missing. She hangs on tightly to her hat. But other than that, she seems quite normal. I think that she is ok to walk around the hospital. However, her father informed me that she becomes violent when the hat is taken from her. She says it is her last shred of hope, but she has yet to explain what it is that the hat means to her," the doctor says. Her voice is muffled, but it is easy to make out.
   "Then it is a wonder that you brought her here!" the nurse replies.
   "She sort of chose it. Her parents thinks she is crazy. She reasons well. Too well. You know what to do?"
   "Yes." Do what? Guess I'll find out. One of them knocks on the door.
   "Come in," I say. Its the Nurse. "So where are the admission papers that I am supposed to sign?"
   "There are no papers to sign," the Nurse says.
   "Then I'm leaving." I get up and begin to walk out.
   "Your parents have to sign. You are a minor still."
   "Did they sign?"
   "Not yet."
   "Then I'm still a visitor, free to come and go as I please."
   "I am afraid that it is not as simple as that."
   "Really?" I ask, as though in disbelief. "Let's see. A minor made a decision without the consent of her guardians. Neither the minor nor the guardians have signed papers granting anyone custody of the child. Thus, the asylum has no control over the child in any way whatsoever. Which means that the minor has not been admitted. And anyone that is not admitted must be a visitor  And everyone knows that visitors a free to come and go as they please. After all, it is a free country." Where did  THAT come from? That is what i usually think inside my head. Not something I'd say out loud. Well, I did say that I've changed. I guess that proves it quite well.

The nurse is speechless. Mouth opening and closing. I guess I said the right thing. "So, where are the papers?"
   The nurse looks at me, confused. "Why... would anyone want to sign papers to admit themselves to an asylum " she asks in utter disbelief.
   "Just do it. That's all I am asking of you. Just do it." She rushes out the room. Finally. A moment of peace. I hope. Ok, so why do I want to stay here? I guess its better living with people that I've never known than to live with people you knew that think they know you when they don't. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Or maybe it's because of what Shander said. And that he has life in his eyes. That he found a portal. And he knows something of Dimmerland. That's why. I know it is. I will help him to get back to where he belongs: Dimmerland. I need to know more from him. I need to know what happened to him. Why does he seem so scared... scarred by the Jabberwalk? I intend to find out everything that I can from him.
Ugh. How am I going to keep my hat secured when I sleep? I know how.

I open the door and go back the way we came, towards the schizo ward. I look for pale blue eyes. "Excuse me, miss," I say to one of the nurses. "Where is Shander? I'm visiting here to visit him." She looks up at me. With flat eyes. I suppress a shudder. I have no clue how much longer I can live with the flat-eyed ones. And I've been here for less than a day. The nurse points and says, "He's the one over there, with white hair. By the table at the window."
   "Thank you." I walk over to him. His back is towards me. I pull up a chair next to him. He doesn't flinch or show any signs of knowing that I'm next to him. He is muttering 'Jabberwalk' just like he did earlier. "Hey, Shander. How are you doing?" I ask. He turns to me, recognizing my voice.
   "I'm in an asylum. How do you think I am?"
   "Yeah. I know. It's no picnic, by any means."
   "What's your name?"
   "I'm sorry. I am Alyssa. So, why were you muttering Jabberwalk over and over again?"
   "The sword."
   "What about the Sword?"
   "There used to be only one Jabberwalk at a time. Only the Sword can slay them. Then I came along."
   "What happened?"
   "I used the Sword on something other than the Jabberwalk."
   "What happened then?" I ask. Finally! An answer to the question!
   "The Jabberwalks..."
   "Excuse me?"
   "The Jabberwalk-SSSS. The Jabberwalk-SSS happened." Hmmm... Everything about Dimmerland is like a puzzle  At least everything there has a solution. JabberwalkS... more than one. He said there USED to be only one at a time. Old Man Time said that every one has their own Jabberwalky to face. There is more than one now. I still don't get it.

"How do you know of Underland?" he asks.
   "You mean besides Lewis Carrol's books?" He shakes his head yes. "By accident. I was having a hard time sleeping. So I went for a walk late at night. Came upon a cave with a bush in front of it. There was a key in the bushes. I picked it up. I didn't know what to do with it, so I just kept it with me. I went in the cave and found a portal. Bright, just like you said. It felt like glass. There was a rock next to it and I picked it up. On the bottom of the rock was a hole that looked exactly like a keyhole. I used the key I found and it opened the portal and I was sucked into it. Found myself in the woods. In 'Underland'. But I call it Dimmerland."
   "You just knew it was Underland?" he asks with disbelief. I laugh.
   "No! Of course not. I was lost. I found a little house and knocked on the door. He told me where I was," I elaborate.
   "Who is the he?"
   "Trea. His full name is Istrangelabutrea. His friends call him Hatter." His eyebrows raise, his attention piqued.
   "Hatter? THE Hatter? The King?" I swallow. Hard. Bite back my tears.
   "Yes." He looks at me with what appears to be awe. "I didn't know he was King then... I didn't know that until three whole days later." Three? "Three days... Such a long time there. So much happened in just those three days..."
   "Yes, time goes by fast there. Who knew, right? As if time on Earth didn't pass fast enough." !!! If Mom hadn't-. Tracey. If Tracey hadn't taught me not to, I'd swear right this instant. A day passed here. Only a mere 24 hours. How much time has passed for Dimmerland? "Is there something wrong, Alyssa?"
   "Yes. I killed him. The Jabberwalk has him. I was supposed to slay it. It got the best of me and shoved me through the portal. Taking me back to Earth. The only chance of saving him... is gone. All because I fell for his stupid trick! A trick that I should have seen through! And I almost had him. Almost..." I try to keep calm, but it is proving impossible. At least I managed to keep my voice down.
   "Did you try to save him because he was King? Or because he is something more to you?" I look at him. Tears have been welling in my eyes. My look gives him the answer. "You are fortunate."
   "What? How can I possibly be fortunate when this all is my fault?"
   "That he chose you. He chose you because he had faith in you. And he is the most loyal person out there."
   "How do you know he chose me?"
   "Because he was speaking of someone. He said that Old Man Time showed up as this young woman," Me? Described as a woman? "And that he has yet to meet her. But that she would be his greatest weakness, strength, and protection." I look down.
   "He is wrong. I am not his strength or his protection. I failed him. I practically gave him up to the Jabberwalk as a sacrifice. All because of an empty promise it made."

"Miss?" I jump, gasping. I turn around and its a nurse from the schizo ward.
   "Yes, ma'am?" I reply. Shander looks at her coldly.
   "May I speak to you privately, please?" I look at Shander longingly. I finally find a friend that I can say absolutely anything to. And I have to leave him. I don't want to go.
   "sure," I lie. I follow her to the other side of the room.
   "How do you do it?" she asks.
   "Do what?"
   "Get him to talk! From watching the two of you, it's like he doesn't belong here! Will you come every day? You seem to make him light up. Put life back into him. And he actually talks to you. He stops mumbling. He never stops mumbling!" Wow. That is certainly NOT the reaction I was expecting!
   "Between you and me, I am about to be admitted here for Delusions. If you can figure out a way for me to come here daily to speak with him, I would be eternally grateful  I think he is a good friend and that he doesn't belong here. I could tell just by looking at him." Her mouth hangs open. Her eyes are flat, too. But the have a small glimmer of life. "If two people are put in the asylum for the same delusions, even though given different diagnosis's  do you think that, just maybe, they are ligitiment and that they might actually not be crazy?" She tilts her head, thinking carefully. She could have beautiful living eyes if she just knew of Dimmerland. I'm going to take her with me, too. She might not like it at first, but she will.
   "Maybe..." she says finally.
   "It's almost like Gulliver's Travels. No one believed him, and he was acting so odd, that they put him in an asylum  Like this one. While that one was just a book, think of people that taught the Earth was round. They were imprisoned. As were people that taught about gravity. Do you think that there just might be more truth in an asylum than you might have thought?" She thinks it over a little. "I'm sorry, I need to get back to the room the Doctor and Nurse had assigned me. Without anyone having signed papers as of yet. They might be worried. Will you help to get the needed permission to come and speak to Shander, please?" A beat passes.
   "Oh! Yes, absolutely. I'm sorry. It's just that you had me going there, for a second. Yes, I'll accompany you to speak with the doctor." She smiles sweetly and I lead her back to my room.