Chapter 22

Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick...
Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick...
Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick...

Ticking clock, arms circling, slow at first, then faster and faster. A whisper haunts the air, emerging from the ticks. "Lyssa..." It hisses. "Tick-tock goes the clock..." The clock is spinning faster and faster, getting closer and closer. "Time is running out..." Tick... Tick... Tick... Tick... "You can't turn back this clock!"

Gasping for breath, I open my eyes, light flooding my vision, heart pounding harder and harder. Immediately, I look behind me. It's gone! "It's gone!!!" I shout. I know who did it. With out a doubt, it was doctor Andrea. I run do the door, trying to get out as fast as I can. It isn't opening. I jiggle the handle fiercely  Why won't it open? "You stupid door!!!" I bang on the door. "Where is it?!" Where on earth is she? "DOCTOR ANDREA!!!" How on earth did she take it from me? "NANCE!!!" I made sure that no one could take it from me without my permission! "SOMEBODY!!! HELP ME!!!" I begin to kick the door. "SHE STOLE IT! SHE STOLE IT!" I start sobbing, still kicking and hitting the door. "DOCTOR ANDREA STOLE MY MOST PRIZED POSSESSION!!" This is not fair. How could she? She has no heart.

The door pushes me against the wall. "What is going on in here?"
   "Nance? Dr. Andrea? Who is it?" I can't tell who is who. I'm crying too much to hear them properly.
   "Alyssa, It's me, Nance. Tell me what is wrong."
   "She stole my hat! It is the most important thing in my life! It is my hope, and she took it. If I don't get it back... It's like saying I have nothing left to live for!"
   "I don't understand. You live for your hat?"
   "No! For the hope that is inside every fabric, color, and texture IN the hat! That's what I live for!"
   "What does the hope stand for IN the hat?"
   I break down. "That Trea is still alive," I sob. "That there is still a chance to save him!"
   "Save him from what?"

There is no way I am telling her point blank. "The word that Shander keeps muttering. From what that word is. The thing that is the word. I've been where Shander has been. I know the people he knows from that place. We were both put here because of that place. And that word that he mutters. Listen and learn from Shander." I speak to her in earnest, watching her closely. "He does know things that you don't. We both do. We HAVE experienced something that no one else has. You're right, I don't know him. But we both know the same thing. The word he was muttering was what made me realize that we have the exact same thing in common. Listen to Shander. He is not crazy!" I search her eyes for a sign that she at least thinks that I'm telling the truth. That what Shander and I have to say might actually be the real thing, not just something made up in our minds. Her eyes flicker back and forth between life and flatness. I hold my breath as she wrestles within herself deciding whether or not to listen to a crazy person. People, actually. Her eyes settle on life. She will listen to me. She will hear what I have to say. What Shander has to say, too. Thank goodness! It's about time, too. She nods to me and I smile, in relief, back. Nance turns to walk out the room.
   "Nance!" She looks back at me. "Don't tell Dr. Andrea. She won't get it. And you are the last person she would believe. You already almost got yourself fired twice on my account." She smiles understandingly, knowingly. In agreement.
   "I'll get your hat back," she says.
   "Thank you," I mouth.

With there being nothing else to do, I go back to the corner and hug my knees, staring at the blank, white walls. Ugh. Hideous. I Just might go insane from living here. Is that what happened to Shander? Why he started muttering jabberwalk over and over again? All I know is that I need that hat. If I don't get it by the end of the day, I will hunt it down and prove to be the most impossible, insane person there is until the moment I find it. Then I am going to figure out where on earth (literally) that portal Shander was talking about is. It is an absolute necessity  I will then take Nance and Shander back with me. I still need to figure out how I am going to get Koran to Dimmerland. I hate how insanely difficult this all is. And how is it that there are more outs in a so-called impossible place than there are in a realistic, probable world? Should I be planning on what I'll do to save Trea, assuming he is still alive, instead on who and how I get people into Dimmerland? Yeah, probably. But if I've learned anything in Dimmerland, you can only plan one step at a time. The next step is never what you expect.

My stomach growls. I didn't eat anything yesterday. What time is it? There aren't any windows. 'Sensory deprivation' plays in my mind again. 'time deprivation' follows closely after. And they wonder why insane people get only worse as time goes on? Humans need time. It's a proven fact of various studies. The sun, moon, and stars allow for that, even if you don't have watches. Lights turning on and off is another way of providing that. But in this place, the lights are always on. There is no sense of time. And I haven't gotten a single meal as of yet, anyways! What do the residents live on? And then, to make things worse, they deprive us of anything that can stimulate our senses. Everything is white and plain. No texture. No design. And they try to make the walls sound proof (failing miserably, thank goodness).

Did Nance leave the door unlocked? I get up to check it. My back-side is numb from sitting so long. I turn the handle. It opens easily. I breath a sigh of relief. I look around for some one. I see Nance talking with another nurse. "Hey, Nance!" She turns to me, slightly startled. "Can I get something to eat?" She nods and gives me the signal for 'in a minute'. "Thank you!" I go back in the room. Why am I conforming so much to what they expect of me? I know why. Because I don't want to cause any more uproar. And I want to get my hat back. If I don't get my hat back by the end of the day, I know That I'll just go crazy. I need that hat. I hear a light knock on my door. I open it up.
   "Hey, Alyssa," Nance says. "You ready to go to the ward Shander is in?"
   "Can I eat first?"
   "You could, but they are getting ready to serve lunch over there. I thought you might want to eat while you visit with him."
   "Seriously?" She nods. "Oh, thank you!"
   "On one condition is this possible," She says.
   "Oh, great, what?" I ask.
   "Dr. Andrea will be eating with you so that she can monitor what you and Shander talk about."
   "I can't do that."
   "Because she wouldn't understand?"
   "Shander and I are just like Gulliver. Dr. Andrea doesn't see that as a possibility. She will think that either he or I adopted the other's craziness. Or else just agree and believe in the other's craziness. I will only go there when Dr. Andrea is not there." She looks at me with disappointment  "I have no problem with you over-hearing it, though. I can trust you."

Who knew that I'd have so much thinking time on my hands? I still haven't eaten yet. And it is a huge pain in the neck. Actually, in the stomach. I am so, so, SO close to calling it quits. But, I still need to get to that portal. And I still need that hat. Will I get to do either before my life ends? More importantly and more immediately, before Trea's ends? I shudder at the thought. He can't die. He's Dimmerland's King! And... he's... I sigh. I still can't complete that thought. I think of the Borogrove. The hollow voice. I can't think of anything, really. My eyes are heavy. My stomach hurting. No! I will not fall asleep! I will not cave into hunger! I will surmount it! Ugh. I know things are bad when I have to pep talk myself out of things.